Second Chances

If you could go back and rewrite your history, would you take it? And would you let others take it?

vienna noreen asked me to write about Second Chances… which I think is an interesting topic to write on, because simply there are no clear “right” or “wrong” answers. Every case is different, and everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and we all have our own preferences.

But I think in most cases, it’s divided into 3 categories. Personal injuries, wrong doings in a professional setting, and severe, law breaking cases.

Personal Injuries

For much of my life: I live by a simple conviction, “do to others, as you would have them do to you.”

And that’s why, I think that it’s important to Always Forgive, but Never Forget. Forgiveness is something that I will always hope I have the privilege of receiving. I would never want a person to hold a grudge on me. Just like everyone else on this planet, I often make mistakes as I’m figuring out my life. So what right do I have to hold a grudge against another?

But more importantly, forgiveness is always a choice. It’s less to do with the person in question, than a personal decision to free ourselves from the hurt. So always, always forgive.

And yet, while we do so, it’s foolish to totally forget about it, because at the same time, we should always be cautious and make smart decisions. When someone has hurt you once, they might do it again. And staying in the vulnerable state of letting that person abuse your trust over and over might not be the best idea. Depending on the circumstances, we decide move on, or let that person back in – but we can only make that decision, when we remember our facts right.

Many times, we wanted to write history. Or at least leave everything behind and start over. A second chance, in a place where nobody knows your name or care about who you were. And I think, in most cases… yes, it’s always possible.

Wrongdoings in Professional Settings 

What I mean by a professional case, is any work related cases. Frankly, I have a pretty low tolerance on people unable to deliver a promise in work scenarios. Honestly, I’m still working on being more flexible and more understanding. It’s a long process, but hopefully I’m getting there.

But generally, when a vendor / supplier / teammate said that they can get that job done, I expect them done. (Unless there are really bizarre force majeure circumstances that get in the way). I’m pretty chill and tolerant in most non-work related things… But I expect that people respect the responsibilities that are given to them.

When such promise is not delivered, I would be really less inclined to give them a second chance. Because honestly, the logical ways is just simply find another vendor or another company who can get the job better, right?

Nevertheless, like I said earlier. I’m learning patience and am in the process of building my tolerance level. In community oriented countries like Indonesia where people prefer to engage dialogues, play politics, and be flexible about things… I know I can’t always see things in black and white. Maybe one day I’ll be able to play my cards in a more fluid way. Hmm…

Severe, law breaking cases

I briefly touched about this topic on my post on Harsh Laws. And this is where it’s the hardest to answer the question on do you believe in second chances.

As we live in a governmental world, we submit ourselves to laws and orders. And despite of all its controversies between ethics and laws, the law is there to protect the people en masse. And those who dared to cross it in the first place, should always be prepared for the consequences.

Do we punish homicidal murders with capital punishment or give them second chance? How about terrorist who seemed to be have repented? How about drug dealers? Regardless how much we debated on things like this… the line will never be clear. In cases like this, the simplest way to think is that to understand that we don’t get to have an opinion.

We have all the time to decide whether we should cross the line of the law or not. We always have the choice to be a rule follower and respect the boundaries, or to disregard and pretend that we are above them.

But once we do decide, and when the law has caught us… I believe that is when we submit ourselves (willingly or not) to the justice system… and let it answer for us, do a second chance exist for such cases.


For me, a second chance is the ultimate evidence of grace that is bestowed on humanity. It doesn’t have to be loud, heroic or glorious.

But it’s like the sky: often taken for granted, and yet it’s a constant that we all experience, every single day. And to me, it symbolizes the certainty that there is a new day, and a chance to do a new adventure (or sometimes misadventures), make new memories, and find a new reason to smile. 🙂

Do you believe in second chances?

//Quick update: I know I haven’t been writing for a while. Nothing dramatic happened or anything. I just got caught up in lots of work. And then once that subsides… I kind of lost the momentum to write. Any free moments, I busied myself with doing lots of quiet me time: making pottery, swimming, cooking simple dishes, practicing piano, and reading fictions. Haha. Simple things that really refreshed me.

And although I do miss WordPress, it’s hard to get back to the swing of writings. (I hope that you guys didn’t forget about me yet!) It’s not until Vienna wrote about this topic in the prompt section, which kicked my thoughts back into its (rather dusty) writing gear. So thanks for that! Hehe. Hopefully… I’ll be back posting more regularly. 🙂 🙂



12 thoughts on “Second Chances”

  1. I have never thought of dividing it in categories. My thoughts just revolve around the “personal injuries”. 😀

    I see that you also live by the Golden Rule. I do, too. And the Silver Rule, for that matter. I think they go hand in hand. I like how you put it as “always forgive, but never forget.” and “It’s less to do with the person in question, than a personal decision to free ourselves from the hurt. So always, always forgive.”. If you forgive someone, you don’t just give them freedom, you are also giving yourself ease. Always forgive but be cautious, “staying in the vulnerable state of letting that person abuse your trust over and over might not be the best idea.” Yes. Know your worth. “It’s all about falling in love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.”

    I can see how strict you are about work. I get your point. Responsibilities are responsibilities. Deadlines are deadlines. Work is work. Get it done. 🙂

    Last but not the least, the “Severe, law breaking cases”. I couldn’t agree more when you said “Regardless how much we debated on things like this… the line will never be clear. In cases like this, the simplest way to think is that to understand that we don’t get to have an opinion.”. Law is law. We all know this. BUT I like to believe that we can’t take anyone’s life (even if the other took someone else’s) Capital punishment. If someone killed someone either he is under the influence of drugs or not, we should not take his life away. You can’t give justice through that. I think the best punishment is to let them live through their sin. Well, this is the religious me talking. I wouldn’t know if I’ll have the same thought if someone from my family got killed (God forbid!)

    So yes, it all comes back to what you said from the start “Every case is different, and everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and we all have our own preferences.” 🙂

    Thanks for writing this, Vic! Maybe I should ask people too if they want me to write about something. 😀

    All the love,
    Vien xxxx

    1. Thanks a lot Vienn for the thoughtful response 🙂 Yup, I agree with what you said, especially regarding the personal cases part.

      And yeah, I think it’s a good idea to ask people for ideas. Haha. I started to open the prompt thread for fun, but some of the questions really triggered interesting thoughts that I wouldn’t have think about otherwise. 🙂

  2. Miss your posts! This question is one I’d thought about for a while, particularly the first point about personal offenses. I used to think that forgiveness meant pretending like the wrong was never committed, and I no longer believe that to be true. I agree with you that though forgiveness can be given, there needs to be set boundaries to protect yourself from further hurt. In some way, it’s even better for the offender because then they can hopefully realize that there are consequences to their behavior, which MIGHT prompt them to change and become a better person.

    I hope you’ve been enjoying your “me time”! It’s definitely important to have that once in awhile. =)

    1. Yup, I agree with you. I used to think something similar to pretending. Except I found out that pretending not being hurt takes more energy.. and it makes me reherse all the bad stuff instead of forgiving and moving on. Hahah.

      Thanks a lot! 🙂 I hope that you’ll also have plenty of opportunities for some me-time (or is it you-time lol) when you need them! 🙂

  3. If I could go back and rewrite my history, would I take it? For myself the answer would be no. I don’t want to do it again. For every choice we make in life we can learn a lesson. I want to take the lessons I have learned and apply them to my life now. No second chances for me, but new beginnings to put my lessons to work. Great blog, gives you a lot to think about.

    1. Thanks a lot 🙂 I think I also agree with you. Sure, there are times where I just kinda cringe when I thought about things that I did or never did. But you’re right, we can learn a lesson. But maybe more importantly… second choices are not necessarily redoing things over again. Believing in second choices, is also by forgiving ourselves, and face a new day, believing that we can try again, a little bit better. After all, a second chance is perhaps as simple as having the opportunity to wake up for another morning. 🙂

  4. Wow ! It was so well structured and each detail was beautifully touched. The classification of our every action into 3 classes really impressed me. That was an intelligent thing to do and it really impressed me in the beginning itself.
    The conviction you follow in case of personal injuries showed you have a wonderful heart and you should be proud of that. 🙂 One should forgive, but never forget are some amazing words of wisdom and I thank you for explaining them so nicely. Your writing style really engrosses the reader and everything you write seems to be perfect 😀
    I completely agree with you that giving second chances in professional world is much more difficult as compared to personal injuries.
    Also, law is something we have to surrender to and the debate of capital punishment is never-ending.
    This was an incredible post, Victoria and though I am a very new follower, I really wish you to keep writing and sharing your perspectives whenever you get time 😀
    Have a great day 🙂

    1. Wow thank you! Your comment made my day. 😀 I’m really glad to hear that you enjoy reading it. And I hope that that you’ll continue to be a regular reader here 🙂 Have a great day too!

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